my last memory before it all shifted was crouching down in the water in search of this beautiful shell. it looked so perfectly shaped...it was the shell i had been seeking for the past 2.5 years. when i tried to grab it with my toes it wound up burying itself in the sand...i suppose that could've been a metaphor...now that i think of it...maybe rooting itself in to stay planted where it belonged. but i persisted. i wanted this shell. with it's orange and shiny perfectly formed body. so i searched...and dove...and searched some more until i found it. i held that shell in my hands for a good while... mesmerized by finding such a gem this late in the game. but then the strangest thing happened...i went searching for more. the one thing i had looked for i had found...and within minutes i was already looking for something more beautiful...something more shiny...something more perfectly shaped. i caught myself of course...and laughed as i walked down the beach. and it set me up for weeks of thinking and watching and debating...
so here i sit today. on the corner of amsterdam and 86th street in new york city...watching the people pass by...waiting to see what the cards may hold....still wondering if there might be another shell out there. so much has passed...and i know there is no way to capture the last two months into this small entry...but i know this...my life has forever changed. and that shell...it may be the most perfect find ever...but when i looked at it closer i realized it's contour was misshapen...it's growth edges had been made smooth by all the tumbling it had taken from across the ways. and so i sit. realizing that the last two years of my life served to smooth out my edges. soften me into the perfect vessel that i can be. here. now. constantly growing...evolving...shifting..but always perfectly designed.
i am about to interview for the 'step up from' job that was designed for me through all the tumbling i have done in this lifetime. every upside down inside out twist has softened me and shifted me a bit more into the next piece that fits...perfectly. when i talk to people...virtual strangers...about what i do...what my passion is...they tell me i am selfless and altruistic...and it's odd. i am me. i couldn't do anything else. i couldn't be involved with any other type of work. my life was designed in this manner and this direction. it's not for any other reason than the seas led me here. and i find...as i sit watching the movement of the city and waiting for the next piece to fit into the puzzle...i am no longer looking for another shell down the beach. the one i currently hold is the one that was destined to be.
so my service has ended through the peace corps and is now extending into the next piece of the world. and so...i must bid adieu to this part of the puzzle...not because it is done but because it has moved...and so am i. so as i open myself up to the fluidity of the universe and allow it all to rush in...i will pause. and breathe...and guarantee...another chapter will begin soon.
so much love and gratitude to all of you who have followed my travels as i have learned, expanded and grown. stay tuned for the next book....until then...go find your shell. xoxox
