happy merry

so many things to be thankful for this christmas eve. i am officially going to st lucia for my peace corps service. i look forward to finding out what organization i will be working with and what part of the island i will call home for the next two years. it has dawned upon me in the last few days that i will soon be saying good-bye to my friends and family for a while. certainly in a place so beautiful i will have enough visitors but there is no telling how long it will be until i see a familiar face again. it's at once incredibly exciting and kind of sad. i am grateful that i have spent my entire life moving around, seemingly in preparation for this part of my journey.

i am so grateful for the circle of support and love i have around me at this time in my life and could not be any more blessed or love than i am right now. i am grateful for the level of awareness i have and for the way the universe has supported and guided me. it's almost the beginning of a new year, and with it the beginning of an entirely new journey and new chapter. i look forward to spending as much of the next four weeks with friends and family as is possible before i take off to complete something i started 17 years ago.


validating inspiration to ignite my situation

the entire universe has conspired in my favor. i am going to the eastern caribbean for my peace corps service in a little more than a month. on january 28, 2011 i will be heading home. thank you universe for this vein of life i am about to tap into. i of course am going with a million ideas in my head of "ways in which" and am certain that once i get on island time i will settle a bit. as for right now i am working on five hours sleep and a head full of last night's dreams about the caribbean. i don't have specifics yet about which island i will call home for the next two years but i know my first stop will land me in st. lucia.

this entire experience has taught me something really valuable. be very conscientious about what you put out into the world, your wants, hopes, dreams, because the universe is paying attention and when it's time to deliver, it delivers big. every leg of this journey so far has been about patience and understanding. about employing the skills i try to teach on a daily level. be. here. now. what a perfect lesson to be showing up right before i head to a world where time exists of when it happens...that's when it was set to happen. i truly feel blessed to be chosen to step into such an incredible role and to live in a world that already feels so familiar to me.

for every time that i stumbled, thank you. for every time i failed, thank you. for every time i thought i can't, thank you. thank you for every single stumbling block and hurdle that made me who i am. i know those experiences and life lessons are going to come in quite handy over these next two years.

please, god, let me be an instrument of inspiration.



so the peace corps. i was chosen. i was chosen to serve. i was chosen to serve in another country based on my skills. i was chosen to serve in another country based on my skills and with the previous life i have lived. my entire life has existed so that this moment could happen. every twist, every turn, every choice that backfired in one hundred directions...they all existed so that i could be accepted to fulfill something that is so much bigger than i. i am being given the chance of a lifetime. to step into a world completely foreign to my own with the faith and trust of an entire group of people who don't even know me...with the expectation that i will be. that i will serve freely and connect deeply. i was chosen from an institution that i was once incarcerated by. if that is not some of the most profound shit you've ever seen or heard in your life then you might not be awake. or alive.
it's proof. i am living proof that if you listen, you trust, and you fulfill what you were here to do you will be seen, you will be tapped.

i have known without a shadow of a doubt, many moons ago, that i was here to serve. everything that i have done from a young age has been in the purpose of reaching out to and connecting with others. once i got out of the way of myself i started to see my truth. i started to breathe from my light. and that light has always tinted toward the special nature of me. whatever it is that i was supposed to do...whoever it is i was supposed to be has been lit in a way that has always guided me...even through the darkest nights. i have never in my life wanted something so deeply and gotten it. i have always wished...every wish that is given to me...for love. i never told anyone that because you aren't supposed to tell your wishes...and then right before the beginning of this year i found that love in a way and space i had never expected. open love. true love. one love. a love that lasts because it's eternal, universal, divine love. i went to school because i was good at it...because...what else would i do. i traveled because i was called to...because i was seeking. i got my masters because it was the next step. i applied to the peace corps because it's my essence. it's my soul's calling. service.

we look for validation around every corner. validation that we are loved. validation that we are seen. validation that we are heard. validation that we are beautiful, smart, talented. this validation...it's a validation of the universe. it's a validation of my soul's calling. and it's huge. this is the biggest thing i have ever longed for in my life and the universe has seen me. has entrusted in me the ability to step out into the world and connect with an entirely foreign culture and group of people with the faith that i can and will. and i believe this only comes from all of the side paths i chose along the way to get me here. i am living proof that you are not defined by the choices you make. that your life is always waiting for you to live it. that you are here for a purpose and no matter how many wrong turns you take, your life is always waiting for you to just turn that corner and see the light that has been lit...eternally.

i was chosen. i was chosen to serve. i was chosen because i chose to serve myself and in doing so learned the importance of sharing that wealth.


new moon, new beginnings

05-12-2010. new moon. new beginnings. spent the night with my girls getting rid of all the old that i no longer need to hold onto and making space for the new. 9 a.m. phone call with the peace corps recruiter for the youth development programs. 9.45 a.m. new beginning. i have officially been accepted into the peace corps.
no wait....maybe you didn't hear me...
i am a peace corps volunteer!!!! my letter is in the mail with my send off date and location. so now i wait a little longer but with the knowledge that i am in fact going. i have new letters to add to the end of my name.
sarah bert templeton. m.a., pcv. i like it. a lot.
the next two years are going to completely change my life. and it has already started.



second day of the last month of this year. it's hard to believe it's gone by so quickly. to think of all the life changing and affirming situations and realizations that have occurred this year is almost overwhelming. all of the awarenesses, untapped resources, unknown depths. 29 more days until a new year begins. a new year of limitless possibilities. typically when something is close to the end i find myself looking back and thinking...wow...i wish i would have done this or that. i still haven't accomplished that thing. this year has been ripe. full of life and light and goodness and love. love in all forms and all ways. which is exactly what i set out to experience at the end of last year.

last year. december 30. i was sitting on a balcony overlooking laguna de apoyo in nicaragua. the moon was high in the sky and was igniting this foreign fire within me. something deep within. i remember sitting and thinking about new year's resolutions when i had this overwhelming sense of love. love as purpose. love as the direction for the upcoming year. typically...because i am a woman...this leads into romantic ideas of love. partnerships...marriage...families. this was different. this was love as an all encompassing experience. love as purity. love as truth. no boundaries. no definitions. no expectations. loving from that place of honesty and integrity. god love. the kind that fills your soul every minute of the day and is seen in everyone you come in contact with because simply being here is quite the miracle. and so it was.

a year of love. i hadn't really thought about this until i sat down at this moment to write but i have felt and been shown love in a myriad of forms throughout this year. i have softened and opened in new directions. i have seen the beauty in the most hideous of things and have found simplicity as the sole direction to living. love. all. ways. for the first time in my life i have handed my heart out unapologetically to nearly everyone i have come in contact with. i have mended the pieces that were tattered by ego or other's words. i have trusted on a level that i had never known before. i have divulged my deepest fears and wants and dreams to the most incredibly supportive and amazing group of women i have ever known. i have seen glimpses of my light and i have fallen in love with myself and my purpose here on earth. i have been directed by my deepest self. the one who keeps telling me to quiet down. listen more. be less aggressive. be softer. be. love.

in this year i have earned an M.A. in psychology. i have applied to the peace corps. i have finished an internship. i have reignited my love of massage. i have traveled to nicaragua. i have learned how to sail and sailed the british virgin islands with my girlfriends. i have gotten rid of nearly everything i once owned. i have celebrated mother's day, father's day, family birthday's with my entire family present. i have learned the significance and importance of patience. i have learned to trust. i have learned to hustle again in order to make things happen. i have opened my heart a million times without expectation or want of reward. and yet...

all i can think about is building on that sense of love. that unconditional positive regard as rogers would say. seeing all beings and creatures from their essence, their light. living from my essence, my light. there are 29 more days left in this year. 29 days to see, to think, to feel, to love. before this year is over i will have a new path, a new destination, a new direction. and i know without a doubt that course will be guided by pure, true, love.

all. ways.


thank you

dear baby jesus.
thank you for music. please send my peace corps letter in the mail.
love you.
all. ways.



in less than one minute it will officially be november 18. 2010. my 33rd birthday. 33. here you are. you've met me sweetly and your intricate design has me certain that this will officially be the best year of my life.
i don't know what you have in store for me world but i hope ya ready fah me.
this life light is ready to ignite on a global level.
just say the word.



out there in that sea i found a piece of myself i'd never seen. the softness to my edge. the calmness to my chaos. somewhere out there nestled in the love of my friends i found my silence. i found my heart. i found my piece of light. i wish with all my heart i could say each one of my friends came back with a piece too....but i only know my story. i only know my heart.
so there we are...in tortola. after being grounded in san juan, puerto rico due to high winds and that big silver bullet's inability to fly in such conditions. i'll be damned if we weren't sitting on the runway waiting and ready to push and when push time came...we turned right, right, right. one more right....wait...that sign looked exactly the same as the last. then i hear...ladies and gentlemen...if you were paying close attention you will notice we took one right then another then another then another which would have put us...yes. in a direct circle. so we are back exactly where we started waiting for the chaos at the terminal, in the air, and on this plane to suffice. and so we sat. as the gratitude of the baby across from us poured out in unequivocal light we soon took off again to fly to our beginnings.
st. thomas. u.s. virgin islands.
when we arrived here we were supposed to meet the taxi to take us to the ferry to get us to our sailboat....the ferry that left an hour ago.
plane discussion...
(people in seat across from us) : yes...are you girls trying to get to tortola?
we are as well and we are talking to a private ferry service since we are going to miss our ferry as well to try and get us there...it will be seven million dollars per person....
{aside....previously...in wilmington i had called to arrange the ferry/taxi service and was in line with island time. when we were grounded we got in line with said cab driver who stayed in line with us....}
plane takes off...lands in our st thomas destination. what do we find upon arrival...my name placated on a sign outside of the airport. after the stress of wondering how to come up with seven million dollars i realize i have arrived home and will be taken care of sufficiently. kevin...our taxi driver informs us he will be taking us to the ferry. the one that he has waiting for us due to the fact that a church group had needed it just before us and so had it reserved to unexpectedly bring it back to us...on time.
and so it was...the beginning of our trip. in purpose on purpose and on real time.

sweet breezy lovely ferry ride in the dark. you set the spark in my soul. you let me know that this was the road i had always taken before i knew which route to let my soul follow. arrival on julia came with a sweet sense of satisfaction to know that our vessel was named after the beatles song....julia...ocean child calls me...seashell eyes...windy smile...i sing the song of love...julia.

she set me free that vessel. we arrived upon our first destination with sweet satisfaction of a job well done. four girls tailoring and mooring a boat on their own breaks all norms....as if we hadn't already done that a million times separately in our own lives. here we were sitting on a line connected...in the midst of the carribean. dear dinghy...will you steer us to willy t's. here is where the story ends because what happens on willy t's stays on willy t's. enough to say we set our souls out to the world...and the world continued to tie to ours.

ahhhhhhhhhh. cooper island here we come. sailing your way after finding the sweet groove of the ocean's dance with the wind. sun. thank you so much for cooperating even though your yang may have been a bit decompensated by our powerful powerful yin. we are still just reflections. dinghy. dinghy. you are my ego check. the said arrival on cooper island would prove to be the testing grounds. the beauty is that our light...our life...always triumphs.

so here we are in your winds, your stars, your heart. testing ours so that we may show you just how much love we have. how much we can bend and flex with the tides to always set things right. midnight mooring complication. midnight mooring fixed. daytime storm. daytime boat roll...daytime push out.

rolling seas. solid breeze. this life never escapes me. i find myself in your pushing tides...in your challenging rides. i find my solace in the places others don't want to be. i find my peace riding the flux of everyone's furrow. i found myself out on that sea because my sisters allowed me to be. love. light. truth. night. wrong. right. be. ing. tell me what you hear. tell me what direction you think we should go. tell me how to bend with the flow. tell me how to be silent when i want to speak. tell me how to speak when i want to be silent. tell me how to find my heart when it's hidden and tell me how to hide my heart when it's too easy to find. tell me how to find strength when i need to stand still and please...please tell me how to stand still when i need strength...breathe your breath into me sweet sea salt so that i know this life is real...this is more than what i feel...it is.

dear. tortola.

we love. you.



what is freedom?
is the ability to be. to feel. to love. openly. truthfully from your heart.
does it come with the expectation that those ideals, thoughts, wants, ideas will be respected?
does freedom come with expectations?
expectations of another and how they will respond
your freedom.
is that freedom?
are you free when someone else is imposing their expectations on you?


what i have learned

i have learned in this instance that i have a tendency to draw to me those that are weaker.
so i think
or are so full of reflective shit that i have to grit my teeth every time i get it wrong.
i have learned in this instance that my instincts are always spot on and when they tell me to walk away i should listen.
i have learned that the fear pattern keeps rearing it's head in ugly ugly places.
and i keep wasting precious time and energy falling into it instead of pushing through or around it.
i have learned that my fear of closeness pushes me to frantically find closeness in those that couldn't be further away from me.
i have learned that i am still sitting with this wounded child who feels she does not deserve to be seen or loved.
so she acts a fool and takes up space so that just like the boy who cried wolf
eventually they will stop paying attention.
i have learned that sex is my weapon.
and i use it quite dangerously and haphazardly.
i have learned that the balance my pendulum keeps trying to find is there.
i just keep the reactive phase at the face of everything i keep doing.
i have learned that the essence of myself knows how much wealth i carry inside
and instead of allowing it to blossom and affect
i keep it stuffed so that no one can take advantage or
even worse
show me how little i actually have.
i have learned that probably since before i ever stepped onto this earth plane i carried some lacking self worth baggage
and that shit followed me here.
i have learned that every time i feel i might have a grasp.
that i might have released all this old karmic baggage i came here to work out
i find it more than necessary to create some more.
because for whatever reason
i am wicked attached to this baggage.
and even though sometimes it's a carry on
sometimes a stow away
sometimes an overnight bag
it's always got the same shit in it.
love me
see me
feel me
touch me
want me
heal me
help me
hurt me.
so you can continue to push me
to be bigger
more trusting
in the universal flow.
rather than the human form
rather than the chaos that is human existence.
i find peace in silence but have yet to learn to shut my mouth
i find truth in allowing but have yet to find a way to be.
i find solace in love but have no idea how to open up to it.
i find beauty in myself but have no interest in sharing my wealth.
i am afraid.
and the more i walk in, breathe in, bathe in, live in that fear
the more negative fucking karma i will accumulate and the more mirrors and lessons i will have to demonstrate my bullshit back to me.
i long to be free.
free in love.
free in life.
free from fear.
freely fluid fluidity.
i've created this situation to teach me something.
to teach me how much growing and learning i have yet to do.
and how afraid i am of really being true.


sun. day.

a sweet day free.
i will be whatever i wished i could be and thought i could have been yesterday.
i'll deeply miss the mark of what i thought i could be today because i keep missing my mark.
i keep missing the start because i am already in race that i thought wasted too much time
but when i rewind i find
i am exactly where i was
after i fast forward to get back to where i started.
my heart got stuck.
my life got lucked.
and so i wait.
i wait for you.
i wait for me.
i wait for the freedom to believe that you are breathing at the same pace as me
and know that it's we.
i wait until i step back into that moment before i thought before and know
i'm already free.
i'm already freely feeling
i'm already freely being.
i'm already freely fluid.
i'm already freely fluid fluidity.
i am.
how else could i have gotten here.


buck buck

tonight was quite the flight of consciousness.
nothing less than what i had ever guessed was the true weight of hip hop.
the true wisdom that never stopped flowing out my soul.
that thing that grabbed a hold so long ago had no idea what it was messing with
what i had given it so that she could take flight
through sound love and light my soul is so bright it has nothing left to do but
i just rewound my game so hard i'm not even sure how to drive this
mode of my soul.
that was my baby hold that always knew i had to step back two times to find.
her wealth.
truth is weighted by pomp and circumstance
and some other dance i am not sure how to do
but with anyone but
i fly so freely when i am fluidly feeling.
i am a divine representation of everything that has ever been.
ever is
and ever will be.
connectedly representing our
listen up
i understand this shit is rough
i understand it hurts.
it jerks.
it climbs
it fights.
i understand its hard
but if
if you can tap into that resonating sense of self.
of i
and i.
you will find your wealth is so much deeper than anything you ever thought you knew
you would draw so hard from the cards of life
you'd find any strife.
whips you had to ride.
they were only a piece of the changing tide.
so since.
are a fluid piece of this universe.
you best take that wealth and pass it back through
ten hundred thousand times.
so the soul's self can unwind and find that sexy slithery fluid fuidity..
that keeps us
in line.
as one.
body mind spirit.
papa dahna.
mira mira entre de me vida.
esta bonita.
por todo vida.



oh wounded self.
deep in the confines i felt your heart beating ever so slightly.
i felt your tears streaming lightly
as though the whispers you had attempted came through the
saltiness of your fears.
oh little one.
how you tried to find your way into this place and call it home
and how time and time again you got pushed deeper from the sole.
i never said i miss you
i never said i'm sorry.
but i do.
and i am.

i have walked proudly and stoically as this warrior self ever since i can remember
completely unaware that under all that armor
the beat of my essence
was waiting to be heard.


i'm going.

i'm going to fall in love with you life. so fast and so hard you won't know what hit you. and you'll wonder in your open life kind of soul...
how in the world did this happen.
how did you slip in with your side swiping self and find your wealth and release that knowledge on me...
i am after all...
well....i am be.ing. myself.
reaching the resonating wealth that has been stored in some chile cave for a lil too long.
i've found that my heart song resonates with yours life.
because you are mine and i am
fluidly hearing
your raspy voice
holding my choice open and wide
in your winds. your waters.
the tides of your daughter moon.
just so i could find
if my light went out.
my route got distracted...disconcerted...flirted...hurt.ed...worked...burnt...toiled...traveled...riled....filed...miled....
just so i could come back to your shores...
your design....
and find.
i've been fine this whole time.
none of this rhyme says anything more than i always knew.
at the core of my truth.
my wealth.
my health.
my restless self.
all ways.
connecting with you.
you and your freely fluidly fluid self.
and my wealth.
all. ways.

in the time of chimpanzees...

what in the world was i thinking. too much. what was i feeling. not enough. 
i wish. 
when i know fear...i feel love.